you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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