you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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