So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
