Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
