i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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