Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize