You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
