I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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