i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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