And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
