Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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