i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
