hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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