The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
