Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
