wat bout pragnant strippers??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
