idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
