My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
