apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
