he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
