I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
