I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
