I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
