If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
