All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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