im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
