Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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