I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
