i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
