Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
