physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We have started to decorate penises.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
