She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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