we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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