see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
