I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
