can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
