Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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