Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
