Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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