my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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