guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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