I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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