I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
