so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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