i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
