No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
