I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
