Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize