yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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