laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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