my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
