Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
