I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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