At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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