why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
A bitchslap is in order.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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