Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
