I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
