my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
