apparently the secret to your success is patron
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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