i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
