South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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