Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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