just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
