Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
